Framing the Memoir: How Does Motherhood Fit into the College Experience?

Fall frames the world in color.

A writer friend asked me if my memoir was about how motherhood influenced me as a college student or was it how college influenced me as a mother.  While I realize that this is just one aspect of the memoir, it is a good question for it helps to frame the memoir. 

I think the memoir is more about how motherhood influenced me as a college student.  Yet the reverse can also be true.

            Let’s take the first part of the equation.  How did motherhood influence me as a college student? 

            Parenthood is a lifetime career.  It’s not something we stop doing once the children become adults—even if we wanted to.  At the time I started college, I was the primary care-giver to children in grades 2^nd through 8th.  It was my job to help these children become successful in their education and any life obstacles they might encounter.  This was no easy task with my oldest daughter having learning and social problems.  I needed to be there for them. 

I took the parenting job seriously, maybe even obsessively.  I wasn’t free to think only of my own trials in education.  I had to be home for them in the beginning.  This is what made attending college so difficult in the early years of my ten-year journey.  After devoting my life to my children, I needed to allow time for college work.      

            Yet motherhood affected my college journey in other ways, too.  Because I was older, because I was a mother, sometimes I saw the wants and needs of my fellow students at the community college.  I would ask their questions in math class, study with them, help them with their essays.  My husband said that I had gained more children going to college, and perhaps he was correct.  I didn’t mind.  These young students helped me with technical difficulties and math or science concepts I hadn’t experienced recently in the basic skills classes I needed to supposedly bring me up to college entry.  My children were too young; hadn’t had this upper level education. 

           

            And because I was a more mature student, running her own home and family, I brought a commitment to my college education that a few of the younger students may have lacked at the community college level.  My fellow students permitted me to be the group leader in projects.

            Now because I was a mother, I brought home my newfound knowledge to my children, not that they always appreciated it, of course.  I took the notion of parents being the first teachers of their children seriously—again obsessively.  It was my job to be sure the children could survive in today’s world.  I also wanted them to be properly prepared for college as I was not.  I demonstrated time and again what professors were looking for in essays, what was necessary to study to do well on a college exam. 

            Wow!  When I look back on all this I can see why my family is glad that I graduated.  Hopefully the children will see my mothering skills as a good thing in their lives.  Only time will tell.

            What do you think?  Did I answer my friend’s question completely?  Do you have any questions for me about my journey as a mother of five attending college?         

Revising in Stages

Hiding among the stacks at the library

Now back to my memoir about going to college as a mother of five.  I find that if I try to fix all the suggestions that my critique readers make about my writing, I just sit there and stare at my work.  Oh sometimes, I’ll get up to file a nail or put on the kettle for a fresh pot of tea.  Then I’ll notice that the stove is dirty.  Those five children sometimes bring hungry friends over.  I’ll see another finger nail that needs grooming; I’ve got to choose a loose tea for the pot, choose a teacup…

You get the idea.  Does this ever happen to you when you’re revising?

 So I’ve come to the conclusion that the best thing for me to do when revising, or even writing a new short story, is to hide in the local library for as long as possible—or until I’m found out by my children or husband as they call my cell phone relentlessly. 

Okay, so that keeps me sitting at my laptop, staring at the words.  Now to move forward.

I’ve found it easier to revise in stages.  I tend to work on the simpler fixes first.  You know; further explanations, clarifications, and, in my memoir especially, deeper thoughts.  It gets me into the story of the memoir and crawling ever so slightly forward.

I’m talking about the critique suggestions that I agree with or those that make sense for the writing or story at hand, the themes that I’m trying to connect in the writing.  Like I said in my previous post Writing is not a Cookie-Cutter Science, you only want to address the suggestions that matter to your voice, your writing.

I’m the type of writer who saves the different versions of my chapters or stories.  I’m working on my FIRST revision of the memoir with the simpler fixes.  I tell myself that in the next revision, I’ll work on the complications of time frame in a particular chapter, to re-evaluate chronological order in Chapter 9, for example.  Then in another revision, possibly divide a few longer chapters into shorter, tightly-woven chapters. 

Revising in stages can help a writer move forward on a longer project.  Saving the various revisions can help a writer move back to a prior version of the writing if she decides that the story can no longer move forward without a deleted section or details.  How about you?  Do you keep various versions of your writing when working on a project?  Please offer any suggestions you might have.  Thanks!

Go Ahead and Apply to College

Begin your college journey today!

Hopefully you’ve found some money to help pay for college tuition. 

While I understand that some scholarships and/or grants may require you to apply to a college first, now is the time to seek out a particular college and apply.  Most colleges have websites with a link from their homepage to an application form.  Please note that some colleges have application fees that need to be submitted before your application will be considered for acceptance.  

 

Community colleges, or junior colleges as they are sometimes called, allow potential students to attend 3 or 4 non-pre-requisite courses [about 12 credits] before needing to take the free Placement Test.  A non-pre-requisite course is like Art Appreciation or Psychology.  It’s a course that requires no math or science.

Without S.A.T. scores [Scholastic Assessment Tests], the Placement Test is necessary to be sure potential students have the background knowledge to handle college level courses.  This test is made up of three parts:  reading/comprehension, writing, and math.  The Placement Test is free—the first time you take it.  However, you may take it a second time, or a third, but there is a fee each time.  This is a pass/fail test.  You only take it again if you feel you can do better and pass a particular section.  Basic skills courses are offered at all colleges to assist potential students in achieving college level math and writing.  Yes, you need to pay for these basic skills courses, too.  You may transfer in to college with prior course credit in math or science courses from another college and not need to take the Placement Test. 

 

Once you are admitted to a college, or even before, you should consider a major, a course of study.  Students may begin attending college without being matriculated, which means being enrolled in a particular course of study.

You can register for classes online.  The courses listed on the web inform potential students if a requirement [another course] is necessary before taking that particular course. 

 

Some colleges offer both Saturday and Sunday classes from about 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. in addition to weekday early morning [starting at 7 a.m.] and evening courses.  Of course, online courses abound at colleges.  Summer courses available at colleges are usually fifteen week courses compressed into about five to eight weeks, meeting approximately four times per week, day or evening.  Compressed weekend courses can be found as well.  There are non-compressed summer courses, too, usually about 12 weeks.  I’ve attended both the compressed and the non-compressed versions of summer courses in my ten-year college journey.

 

            So stick a pencil into the college pool of non-pre-requisite courses first if you’d like, and then get matriculated into a course of study and begin your own college journey to a bachelor’s degree.  You’ll be glad you did. 

Scholarships: Where to find Money for Returning to or Beginning College

Money for College Education

Attending college is expensive.  Money was another reason I attended a community college.  Seven people.  One paycheck.  Community colleges are less expensive than four-year institutions.  But as I continued in my college journey, I discovered that I could receive money to help pay for college.  I became determined not to pay for the next leg of my college journey.
 

It’s helpful to see if you qualify for any scholarships being offered.  For non-traditional students [usually students over 30 years of age] the task can seem daunting. 

If you work outside the home, check with Human Resources to see if your company offers tuition reimbursement for college courses or for an undergrad degree.  Notice this is usually reimbursement.  You may need to lay out the money first and then show your passing grades to be reimbursed after the semester. 

Outside of any scholarships or reimbursement offered at your personal work, I would try the Financial Aid Office of the educational institution you wish to attend. 

If you were in the United States military or fought in one of the conflicts, under the G.I. bill the military may pay for your college education. 

These three places are always best to try first as the competition will be far less than blanket scholarships found on the web.  Always try local first.  There are groups and professions that offer smaller scholarships for attending college, but you need to check the age requirements.  Also, many scholarships are financial needs based. 

All financial aid requests require that you complete a FAFSA form and file it.  FAFSA is the Free Application for Federal Student Aid.

 

Another good thing to know is the difference between a grant and a student loan.  Grants are financial aid usually based on financial need.  They do not need to be repaid unless you withdraw from school.  Then you may owe a refund.  Federal, state, and college grants are available if you meet the requirements.

Student loans accrue interest, sometimes while you are attending college, and need to be paid back to the institution giving the money within a set time frame.  

Grants and scholarships abound online when I googled scholarship for women, but I don’t pretend to know all.  I received a Phi Theta Kappa Scholarship to attend the University of Pennsylvania as I prepared to graduate from my community college.  This scholarship was based on academic standing, awards achieved, and volunteer work performed during my community college years.  In other words, now I had the proof needed for four-year colleges to offer me money to attend their institutions.  

How about you?  Did you win or receive any scholarships or grants to go to college?  Please share any information you may have to help others afford the expense of a college education.  Thank you.

Why Go to College?

A college degree
Worth the paper and tassel

It’s a good question at any age. 

I believe people learn something new each day merely by interacting with others or reading something new.  There are free lectures to attend at libraries or local college campuses, how-to books to read, and online, single-subject classes or webinars to participate in.  There are also introductory online courses such as MOOC’s to interact in.  MOOC’s are “massive open online courses” taught by professors of respectable colleges and universities.  

I’ve participated in a business course taught by a Wharton Business School professor and modern poetry from a Kelly Writers’ House professor at the University of Pennsylvania.  Archeology at Brown University and health and wellness at the University of California.  Almost any topic can be presented to an online audience.  In addition to listening to lectures, MOOC’s have quizzes and writing assignments to test your understanding of the material if you wish to receive a certificate for course completion.  The web environment has online support and question and answer links.  These courses do require a lot of time and there is a time limit for completion.  But I love learning new things and enjoy lectures.

            That being said, I still believe a college degree, with its varied curricula and face-to-face interaction, matters in today’s world.  Many professions require a degree.  

Earning a college degree demands years of a person’s life, large amounts of work and understanding, and the student, regardless of age, grows and changes because of this learning environment.  Earning a college degree demonstrates endurance and the determination to see things to completion.

What do you think about this?  Is a college degree still necessary in today’s world?

Make Memoirs Unique



Hush, the writer is thinking.

What makes my memoir different?  A very good question. 

If you’ve been reading memoirs, you’ll notice that each experience is unique, whether the memoir is about childhood, death, surviving divorce, or even surviving college.  Through specific details, the memoirist achieves universality. 

 

            Of course universality is not enough.  I need to show my hard-won epiphanies through self-reflection.  This is the difficult part for me.  I’m a scene writer.  I need action.  I enjoy the comic moments of raising a family in all their hilarious detail. 

 

“You need more internal dialogue here, Victoria,” my critique partner told me.

And of course she was correct.  But to look inside myself?

 

Perhaps I had been too busy raising that family of mine and hammering away at my bachelor’s degree to pause and reflect about how I felt when my children constantly interrupted my studying time or when I was attempting to make study tapes for various classes.           

 

            I need to fill my memoir with self-made maxims and self-wisdom learned, not so much the subject matter learned.  My college memoir is a candid story of self-improvement through the college education of a mother.  My children’s presence punctuates my college experience.

I remained their primary care-giver and continued to teach them from my newfound knowledge base.

 

            Are these maxims easy to find?  No.  In fact, I find myself spending whole days trying to figure out “how I felt” or “what I learned” at a particular time during my college journey.  It gets to the point where I need to convince myself that it’s good enough for the first revision and then move on.

 

            How do you get past a sticking point in your manuscripts?  Please offer some tips.  

Learning Illuminates Life

Changed my mind.  I don't want to go to school.

Life itself is a journey.  Recording life’s adventures is different from writing about them. 

I’ve been recording my family’s adventures for years.  Now I wish to write about my journey.  This is memoir.  This is what I hope to learn.   

            I think we all learn something new each day.  I know I do.  Whether I substitute teach in grammar school or high school, I’m learning how to control each mix of students, how Mrs. Jones performs the daily tasks, or how to present geometry word problems to the class.  Life is a learning journey.

 

I’ve been writing about my adventures in substitute teaching where I have to ad lib intelligence in all disciplines.  It’s like being on stage without a script.  I still expect to share a few humorous anecdotes while substituting, but I’d like to share my education journey through college as a non-traditional student—as a Mom with five children in tow. 

 

I’d also like to share my experiences in learning how to write memoir using these college adventures as the foundation for a book.  I’m signed up for a course, “Write Your Memoir in Six Months.”  It begins in January.  And I’m just as scared as I was when I began college as a non-traditional student.  My twins, my babies, were in second grade at that time, my son was in fifth grade, another daughter was in seventh and my oldest, who has learning disabilities, was in eighth. 

 

Come; join me on my journey into writing memoir.  Please offer your advice and support.  Pray I have the courage to complete the task in front of me.  Thanks for stopping by my new Adventures in Writing blog.  Please stop by again.  ~ Victoria Marie Lees